Public Service Announcement

I have been slowly compiling a list of factors which should automatically disqualify people from driving in the left hand lane on limited-access highways. I am not sure I'll ever get it finished, but here it is so far:

$50,000 fine and five years in prison for driving in the left lane if:

• Your car displays license plates from the state of Virginia

• You have Shriner badges on the back

• You have a handicap plate or hang-tag

• You have a license plate liner that reads LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY GRANDCHILDREN

• You have a bumper-sticker advertising any kind of herbal medicines

• You own a conversion van, even if you're not actually driving it then

• You have an anti-abortion sticker

• You are over 60 years of age and your mouth is open

• You are an African-American woman and any of your fingers are in your mouth

• Your head is not vertical when you talk on a wireless phone

• There is a notepad suction-cupped to your windshield

• You are driving the same speed as, or slower than, the people to your right

• You are wearing a hat

I figure this list will grow, but I'll probably be too bored to add to it. Feel free.