An hour and a half

In one hour, thirty-five minutes, my marriage to Nancy will be over. I won't be there to see it.

I thought a lot about it, and right up until Friday, I was fairly sure I was going to drive up to New Hampshire last night, attend the hearing, have lunch with Nancy, and drive back tonight. I really was. But the more I thought about it, the more I thought how blase she was to the idea of my coming up, about how almost annoyed she seemed at the hearing taking place, and how she was planning on just going back to work afterward because she didn't want to take any time off to deal with this (never mind that it was her idea to leave, and she filed up there).

I thought, the hell with it. I want to spend this weekend and this day around people -- friends -- who actually like me and want me to be around. And those friends are here, not in Room 300 of the Hillsborough County Court in Manchester, New Hampshire. Nor anywhere in between here and there.

I have, all my life, had a very sharp sense of, and a real hatred of, being "tolerated." Humored. Put up with. And I think that's what things have degenerated to with Nancy. I don't want that; she doesn't want me there, so I will stay here and enjoy being with people who really want me to be with them.

Some part of me is wondering what she'll think when 1:30 comes and I do not appear. I figure it'll probably be something along the lines of, "jeez, typical of him." I'm not really required at the hearing anyway, so it's not like they'd delay it for my sake. I was going to go as sort of a demarcation... a milestone.

Now, I don't care. I'll get a letter in the mail, and that will be just fine, I guess. The cats will probably knock it off the counter and whiz on it for me. Thanks, cats.

Speaking of which, I coaxed Piper into coming back inside this morning. Smelly cat food does it again... he hadn't eaten in a couple of days, so I popped open a can and talked softly to him, then halfway through the can, picked him up and brought him inside. That leaves only Felix out roaming the outdoors, and I haven't seen him in a few days. I hope he's OK. Phil and Margaret are still hiding in the purple room, but they've been using the catbox nicely. Thanks, cats.

In a little over an hour I will be truly single and unattached for the first time in... jeez, since the summer of 1987, at least. Life has changed a lot since then. I've spent the majority of the last 16 years with only two women. Time to move on.

I had a great time with my friend Gretchen Friday night. We ended up going down to Dave & Buster's, sort of an arcade and restaurant for adults, down near her, having a nice dinner and a lot of cocktails, then playing a lot of games and stuff. We ended up with enough prize tickets to get a small stuffed moose and a small stuffed lobster. I got the moose; Gretchen got the lobster.

Saturday, I spent by myself. Cleaned, mowed, talked to cats, had dinner, and went and bought a couple of toys for myself -- a new scanner and a dirt-cheap LCD flat-screen. $149 at CompUSA this week, after the discounts and rebates.

Sunday...

Well, Sunday I spent with Mary, and it might have been one of the best days of my life. My last full day being married, and I spent it with a wonderful woman who is so not-my-ex-wife it's incredible. She dressed up beautifully... a long purple crepe dress with buttons... hard to describe but easy to appreciate. Lots of cleavage was involved, if that helps.

We had a really nice brunch at a place I like up in the mountains... I showed her a few things around the area she hadn't seen, like the War Correspondents' Memorial Arch, and then brought her to the house, cringing everytime I thought she's recoil at all the cat-hair and disorder.

But she didn't. We spent hours and hours and hours just talking, being with each other, listening to music, and making love. It wasn't even really something we pre-planned; we just sort of both knew it would happen, and it did, and it was really wonderful.

I also told her a lot of stories and showed her a lot of pictures about my extended family and my life. Showed her parts of the website that I had taken down, but of course kept locally.

We eventually went back to her house, and she changed and we went out looking for dinner -- it was almost 10:00 by this time -- and talked some more, then went back to her house and we stayed together and talked till very late and fell asleep, but not till after some more wonderful sex.

I probably say too much about that.