It was fascination, I know...

Mary is addicted. I don't know how I did it, but this woman is all about me. When she hears my voice on the phone, I can hear her voice soften, change tone, change focus. I adore her voice. I could (and have, at least one-and-a-half times) talked to her all night. I expect that will continue.

But where does it lead? If I had met her three months ago, life would be different now. Hell, by now I'd have asked her to move in. Bought the service manual for her car (a Mitsubishi). Taught her the names of all the cats. But no, I meet her now, after spending the last three months with Penny, and for a while, with Debra. I like Debra, I just adore Penny, but there's that part of me that is just fascinated by Mary. There's something about her that calls to me, that reminds me of all those vibrant, intelligent, sometimes-frustrating women I knew and loved and sometimes threw away because of my own stupidity... I never thought I'd get to be with another one like that the rest of my life.

But Penny is just incredible in her way.

In a lot of ways.

Mary and I are planning a "real date" on Sunday afternoon before I drive up to New England to go to the hearing on Monday afternoon which will officially end my marriage to Nancy. I just want to look into her eyes and listen to her voice and remind myself of the wonderful things that await me after I leave a marriage that didn't ultimately give me those wonderful things... or ask them from me.

I never wanted it to be like this, but I suspect that after the hearing on Monday, I will never hear from my ex-wife ever again. Nor will I hear from Nancy. And no, they're not really the same thing.

Tomorrow night I'll be at Penny's. We might go out for dinner, we might watch a video, but for nearly-absolute-certain, we will have just unbelievable sex.

That's what she does.