I need to not go looking

I need to remember to not go looking for land mines.

I don't even want to find them, so I'm not going to go looking for them. I was a little bit concerned last night... Sarah seemed really worried when I got to her house for wine and cheese and playing-with-cats. I finally got the explanation that she'd been "really worried" that she'd sent me a couple of emails in the morning and I'd not responded until 4 in the afternoon. She'd also tried to call me at all of my available numbers and not been able to reach me. Her tone said that she was not only worried, but in some way, miffed at me because she hadn't been able to reach me.

I don't know about you, but despite my best efforts, I live in a world where communications is neither perfect nor continuously-attached. She couldn't reach me at home because I wasn't there. She couldn't leave a voicemail at work because my perpetually-full voicemail wouldn't take any more messages. And my wireless often doesn't ring because I work in a big steel building that's pretty hostile to wireless communications. And hey, nothing in her emails demanded an instant response, so I sensibly waited until I had other stuff taken care of before emailing her back.

I guess my instinct is, I have not yet known this woman long enough for her to be entitled to freak out just because she doesn't hear from me for five hours.

We talked about it. I basically told her, look, I can't always be reached, so if you don't get instant gratification, calm down. Nothing has happened to me, no rocks fell from the sky and struck me down. Just calm down, I told her. I'd have apologized for making her worry, but, as I told her, I didn't "make" her worry, she chose to worry when I'd not given her any reason to do so. She wrinkled up her face a little, thought about it, and then appeared to calm down. We had wine and cheese and fruit and cat hair, then I went home.

That's something I've always been somewhat uncomfortable with, the idea of someone worrying about me when I know there's no real reason to do so. I mean, if I had never met Sarah, she'd have no worry about me. I'd still be going to work every day, going home, going out for a beer, shopping, cleaning catboxes. Does the fact that she and I met automatically mean that somehow I'm another worry-burden on her?

The tendency to worry unreasonably is not an attractive trait for me in women. Melody had it to some extent, though primarily in reference to her own health and the well-being of her cats. Sarah seems to do some of the same things. For example, she unscrewed the doorstops from her apartment baseboards "so they wouldn't run into them when playing with cat toys and hurt their eyes."

Believe me, I've known many, many cats, and I've never known them to do this. I thought that a much better reason for removing the doorstops would have been "well, they're those kind that are sort of big springs, and the cats might play with them all night and the BOING, BOING, BOING would keep me awake."

This is a valid worry. My ex-wife's cat used to do just that when I first met her. But then again, Jasper was a complete moron.

I say that in a nice way.

Tonight, Sarah may meet my parents, assuming they make their trek down from New York. Supposedly, they are bringing me a Christmas gift. I wasn't up there in December to retrieve it myself. I do care enough about Sarah that I'd like for her to meet them. I suspect my stepmother worries about me since I told her that Melody and I are no more. Sarah isn't a "substitute" for Melody any more than Melody was a "substitute" for anyone else in my life, but I like her a great deal and would like for them to like her, as well.

A side note: Sarah doesn't look like the sort of girl who'd be partial to fishnets, ankle-strap pumps and leather minis, but she has the first two and aspires to find the other. I do have some experience assisting women in finding the right leather skirt, so I guess it's time to go shopping... or will be, as soon as Sarah decides she's lost enough weight. She's tiny enough as it is.

I'm wondering what I'm in for.