Yes, I have a heart

I hide it from you guys an awful lot, though.

Melody and I talked for a long time last night. I finally met her cats... they are quite spectacular. One is enormous and rangy, with stripes and a big ole nose. The other is a dark gray pastel, and somewhat more retiring. Both of them sniffed me extensively.

We've both had hard lives. Her father left them at a young age, her relationship with her mother was difficult and unsupportive. I've been motherless, homeless, penniless and hopeless at various times in life. We're both survivors.

But she's so... wary. So cautious. It's almost as if it hurts ME for her to be like that, because I'm trying to be part of the solution, not a part of the problem. I am rather greatly worried that despite her comments to the contrary, Melody is another one of those people who views the world as a source of potential threat rather than a source of learning and adventure. If that's the case, well... I got divorced because Nancy was like that.

She's a wonderful woman. I am not sure how long I can wait for that to manifest itself and move to the fore.

I guess I will have to identify other sources of sex -- shit, not even SEX, but even pretty low-grade things like holding hands and kissing -- elsewhere while I figure out what she's about. But it's pretty hard... every time she says she's "not comfortable" with even very innocent physical contact, it's like a personal rejection, and it hurts.