Am I too fat?

You know, most of my life, I was pretty damn thin. Dangerously so in a couple of instances... homelessness and poverty and malnutrition are strange things and beyond the experience of most people I know these days.

In my late 30s, I started getting somewhat heavier, to where now I am around 240 pounds. Being six feet tall and fairly densely built, I have something of a gut but I am by no means a whale. I am nowhere near spherical. I'd like to get back down to about 205 or 210, weight at which I felt strong and felt a little lighter. Melody has said a few things that make me think she has a bug up her ass about this weight and has somehow tied it up in her head with a lot of issues like self-control and stuff like that.

I mean, what am I supposed to make of a comment like "it's not very enjoyable having sex with a fat man?" What the hell? I am NOT a whale, for fuck's sake. I don't gorge myself. I am not as active during the winter as I am in the summer, but it comes and goes. Is this some sort of ultimatum, like, "lose weight or I won't fuck you?" I told her if she wanted to be with some chiseled stud, she was welcome to go find one -- I mean, they're out there in the People Store, right on Aisle 7 next to the cheerleaders and other vapid types. They probably have an in-store coupon good for a dollar off when you buy two.

But even when I was 180, or 160, or in the bad days, when I was 135 pounds (yes, I was, 20 years ago right now, at age 22), I was never "chiseled" or "athletic," never mind that I could cycle fifty miles or walk ten miles or run a mile without sweating, and carry almost double my own weight. I always looked average, a little awkward.

Had I not had self-discipline, I'd still be poor, homeless, malnourished, and either suffering from severe depression or dead. For her to put this out as if it's some ultimatum makes me wonder what sort of other little remodeling projects she might plan for me.

Me, well... she's fine the way she is. I got sick of remodeling the last time I accidentally cut some load-bearing walls and someone's life fell in on my head. Forget that shit...