a web.journal
|
||
newest shit ancient shit tell me shit look at my farking my podcast my profile about the title get your own read others recommend me
|
No one you know has ever said thisFebruary 27, 2006 - 1:05 a.m.
No, no... not a girl.. a car! The Volkswagen made her name known tonight. She is.. Callie. She joins Giselle, the grande dame of the driveway, my 1969 Volvo, and Alice and Annabel, her sisters, the 4-door and stationwagon 1969 Volvos, and Eleanor, my late departed 1982 Saab, as having names. She's a good girl, and I like her. I had a very, very difficult weekend, but only because of its last two hours. I am thinking that it's time to divest myself of my family, at least in terms of what's to become of my father and the memory of my mother. I am feeling old, and sick, and insecure, and maybe it's time that I talked to my brother and sister and said, "look, whatever happens with the old man, decide with your best judgment, because I can't be part of it. Make me the family historian, but in real time, I don't feel any connection any more. I live a life apart from all of you. It's not a smite against you, and in fact, it's probably a smite against me. An admission of my limitations, and an acknowledgement of my own life choices." I will die earlier than my brother and sister, and I worry I will die unattended. Alone. Some part of me is scared in a disturbingly visceral way every time I go down my polished-oak basement stairs in wools socks, carrying laundry. I don't worry that the cats will eat my carcass... I worry that that will run over my paralyzed body and go outdoors and get killed. I worry. My relatives would not understand this. I think Sarah would. Maybe I do need what she told me I needed. She said, "you need someone to take care of you." I am weak and alone after all.
| |
previous - next |