Some new language needed

OK, I am open to suggestions.

I speak English really, really well. I speak a dialect of it known as "standard English," one generally spoken by engineers, scientists and some fairly anal college and high school instructors. This dialect is pretty recognizable as English and readily understood by native English speakers in the United States in the early 21st century.

But I have to learn a new language. I'm not entirely sure what, but whatever it is, it must allow me to convey descriptions, directions and instructions to my fiancee in some way that will raise the comprehension and accuracy rate by at least a factor of two. Standard English ain't cuttin' it, so I admit failure and am willing to consider other languages.

Suzanne was going to the hardware store today. She was looking for Rubbermaid storage totes of a particular type which I can convert into really handy catbox sifters. Nancy and I made one of these about ten years ago to handle the volume of cat litter we need to scoop... basically you take one fairly shallow Rubbermaid tote and cut the bottom out of it, replacing the bottom with 1/4" galvanized poultry screening (not "chicken wire" but that's what most of you would call it). Then you nest that in another, deeper tote of identical width and length dimensions. You pour the cat litter through it, the wire screens out the poops and the whizbricks, and the clean litter falls through to the bottom of the bottom tote. You toss the turds and pour the clean litter back into the catbox. It takes 15 seconds.

Well, Suzanne asked me what to get. I told her, "we need a fairly shallow tote of roughly catbox size, and then another tote identical to it, except about twice as deep."

What she came back with was a fucking gigantic translucent tote, probably 33 or 35 gallons inside. And another tote with a folding lid, a completely different shape and completely incapable of nesting in the top of the other one. The pair of them is completely unsuited to anything except storing sweaters.

She was at a slight disadvantage, in that she never saw the original catbox sifter. After many years of service, the plastic finally cracked apart and I threw the thing out last year. But I do have some of those "top" totes around here, because they have things like videotapes, computer parts and books in them. I have at least six or eight. And I figured explaining, "just like this, only twice as deep" would be a perfect explanation.

Apparently not.

Rubbermaid does actually make these things. One is 10 gallons (the top box, and it makes a great catbox all on its own). The other is 18 gallons, and the two fit together perfectly.

So, whatever language I need to be able to explain things to a truly insane level of precise detail and have her remember them long enough to act on them, I will learn it.

Standard English ain't workin'.