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Learning and worrying


July 21, 2007 - 6:36 p.m.

Jeez, Suzanne worries a lot. About stoopid shit. She was worried about not having a job, now she's worried about starting it, about how she's moving into a new field of law. And then she's worried it won't be enough money.

Hhhhhh...

I have several rules about worrisome things:


  1. Don't worry about things that don't affect you and never will.
  2. If you can do something about it right now, do it.
  3. If you can't do anything about it, don't worry about it.
  4. If you can do something about it at some future time, then at that future time, do whatever that thing is, and don't worry about it in the interim.

The stoopidest thing to do is to worry about stuff you can do nothing about, or to substitute worrying about a particular thing for taking substantive action to resolve it. You probably have friends like this, ones who sit around and worry about how they're ever going to pay their bills, when they could instead be spending that time and energy paying them. It happens every day in every town on the planet.

I have been working on teaching her these things, but it's rather difficult. She seems to enjoy worrying. It's like breathing for her. I don't think she wants to give it up. It lends color to her life.

Still, it's a pain in the ass to be around.

Worse, she has this idea that I should worry about the things she's worrying about, even though half the time she doesn't explicitly voice them and I have to sort of figure it out around the way. I don't fall into this. And just because she takes on a project doesn't mean I've taken it on. She has wanted me to build additional hurdles for her wabbits to jump over as she trains them. I keep telling her, look, there's the wood, there's the circular saw, there's the tape measure, go for it. I mean, literally, they're right there on the porch, 15 feet from me. I can see them.

"No, I don't know how to use the saw."

I offer to teach her.

"Well, I'd feel better if you did it."

Me, I'd feel better if she learned my skills from me and did things herself rather than depend on me to do things for her. Ever know an elderly couple, where the husband did everything, and the wife never learned to drive, or handle the family finances, or learn where the fuse box was so she could change a fuse in a blackout? Ever wonder what those couples are like when the old guy dies? I've seen it. The wife is a wreck, her finances are a wreck, she moves into a nursing home within a year or two because she can't cope with the world and dies a couple of years later.

That ain't happenin' with no wife of MINE.

I teach. I prefer to teach others rather than DO things "for" others. It's a much better gift to show someone how to do something you do than to always do it for them.


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