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I knew this once, now I know it again


February 01, 2007 - 3:30 p.m.

Here it is, February again. At the end of the month, Suzanne is coming, though the rabbits will arrive in a couple of weeks (they're going into a room where nothing is chewable and there are no electrical outlets -- yes, my house is old enough to have such a room). I've been thinking a great deal about random small and large things, and I came to a realization about something.

I am a lot different than a lot of people when I go out drinking. I think a lot of people drink and enjoy the sensation that they seem more interesting. You've seen these people... they're more talky, they are more outgoing, boastful maybe.

Well, I think I go out and have a few so that I can stand being around people who otherwise I'd probably find boring, or in some cases, just appalling. I tell you, dolts, racists, rednecks and ne'er-do-wells are a lot easier for me to take when I've had a couple of drinks. I guess in an ideal world, I'd hang out only with the sort of people I meet at Lotusphere every year, but the world is not ideal and I know that those few thousand people all concentrated in one place for a week are an extreme rarity. I guess in terms of socializing with other humans, most of the time I'm going to run into people who I really wouldn't connect with unless we'd both had a couple of beers and could talk about stock car racing or guns or real estate or something else mundane.

Well, enough of that. It's not fair to them, and it's not fair to me, if I have a coating of disdain for such people that only gets washed away with alcohol. I think I'd rather spend the time and effort to meet and stay in touch with the few people who really do interest me than to just pretend I'm interested in a wider range of people with the assistance of ethanol and ice.

I realize this sounds pretty pompous... I don't much care. I know I'm not for everybody (the whole dating process after my divorce was ample proof of that) so the idea that I have the time or energy to hang out with just anybody with the social lubrication provided by alcohol is a little stupid and wasteful.

Plus, think of the money I can save.

I'm not for everybody; it's a truth I knew when I was 18 or 20 but I think deliberately forgot in an attempt to be more mainstream. I can safely say, 25 years later, that that was a failure and it's time for me to go back to being the quirky niche product I was from earliest memory. And speaking of memory, I can feel mine eroding over time and I'm willing to blame "too much partying."

No more of that.

Am I going to stop drinking completely? No, of course not. But I'm not going to go out just to seek interaction with somebody/anybody/anywhere when I need to drink to be able to stand it. Much better to stay home with Suzanne, the cats and the rabbits, have some wine or a martini if we want, and put the money into the house.

No big earthshaking pronouncement, then... just a realization of something I should have realized years ago.


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