Time to divest

I am pretty sure that I'm nearing the trough of a moderate depression, though the drugs are handling it well. Still, the complete lack of energy, occasional snappishness and general impatience with stupid people and their actions are signs I've learned to read. So, if you're stupid, this would be a good time to stay away from me.

I was awake until 4:15 this morning. I have been largely resistant to calling more drugs into the fray, figuring I ought to just be able to sleep, but things are sort of feeding on each other: lack of sleep enhances the depression, and the depression tends to screw up my sleep. Mostly, I just can't seem to sleep right if Suzanne isn't around. In the middle of the night last night, I sent her a note despairing about how long it's going to take for her to move down here. It's been four months now, and it's going to be another four before she's here, which pretty much means I'm going to feel stretched out over 250 miles for months yet. I remember that feeling of being a gypsy in both my own house and someone else's -- that was a major factor in ending things with Penny and it wasn't a small factor in how things went with Melody -- and I told Suzanne that if I'd honestly known, last May, that she wasn't going to be down here until the following February, I'd never have started things with her. It's just too much.

Anyway, things continue on. I have concluded it's time to let all my Volvos go. I'll never have time for them all, and they're better in other hands anyway. Giselle doesn't get driven enough, and the other two 1969 cars are best sold while they're still restorable. I will miss their square cuteness, though. I have had square Volvos nearly my entire adult life.

The tractor herd should get pared down, too. The 1959 restored International will be first to go, since it's just been collecting dust for a couple of years and deserves to be shown off. The small tractors will be next after that... while I like the Cub Cadets, someone else can finish restoring them all. I'm not the one.

And lastly, some of the Saabs have to go away, if only to make room for Suzanne's Chevrolet if and when it gets down here. As crappily as that thing handles in rain (and probably snow), I really wish she'd just take the red Passat and sell the Chevrolet, but she seems to like it. I think it's numb and bulky and does strange things. And you can't carry a damn thing in it. If she's intent on keeping it, I'll probably sell the red car, though I've recently gotten very addicted to its newfound power. It's the fastest damn station wagon in the county. Alas, it gets shit for mileage compared to the diesel.

I keep wondering what's happened to Heather. She seems to have vanished lately. Last I heard, she was dating some guy who sounded pretty good, but I haven't heard from her (or seen her online) in weeks.

I worry too much.