One

One of the things in my email this morning, along with the usual Viagra spam that has gotten so violently misspelled to foil spam filters that it also foils attempts at human comprehension, was something from a friend of mine asking a lot of questions about the nature of love, none of which I really had satisfactory answers ready for...

How is it possible to have feelings for so many different types of people? Life is so confusing and different from how I thought it would be. I used to think there was one person, The One. I can't believe that anymore because I have had such deep feelings for so many people. Does that make it not so special? Does that mean the love I feel for a man is less significant because I felt the same thing for others? Is it more valuable and precious to find your mate early in life and love only that one person? Is my love cheap? I am not really expecting an answer to any of these questions. I find it amazing that we are so resilient and able to recover, and discover, and open up and be vulnerable even after being let down and heartbroken.

I told her that I never really thought there was just one One. I mean, suppose she lives in Borneo or gets hit by a car before you ever meet? Are you then fucked and solitary for life?

I am pretty sure my father found his One back in 1959 when he met my mother. My aunt tells me all about how intensely they felt about each other and how it changed my father's life. When he lost her in 1968, he was wrecked, walking around in a state of shock for over a year... we took care of him at least as much as he took care of us.

Yet, in 1970, my father remarried, and last month their odometer rolled over to 36 years, so you have to figure my stepmother is a One, too. When he's gone, I won't doubt that my stepmother, who is a dozen years younger than he is, may meet someone else who will be a One. I've known several Ones. Suzanne is the latest, but not the only, though of course that makes her sound like she's on an assembly line and I'm just waiting for the next one to show up. I'm not.

The other thing I told my friend was that people are different with different people, which means the things you feel about them, and how you interact with them, are also different. I am different with Suzanne than I was with Melody, Melody is doubtless different with this new guy than she was with me or her previous boyfriend (at least for his sake, I sure hope so), Nancy is almost certainly different with her newish husband than she was with me. It's the combination of people that makes the relationship; you're only half of it, which means the love you feel for someone cannot be identical to what you felt for someone before, nor can theirs for you be identical to what they felt about someone else.

People are different with different people. And there are many possible Ones... just find one and see.