I am not Edgar Cayce by any means

I am supposed to meet up with Sarah after work tonight. I'm trying to figure out if this is really a good idea. After all, I've spent years cautioning other people not to revisit the past, but then again, I don't always take my own advice. Put it this way: I take my own advice about as often as anyone else takes it.

I got basically no sleep last night. After posting the last entry, I went to sleep. I actually fell asleep around 3:30, woke up again out of a bad dream around 5, and never really fell asleep again after that. I had lots of time, therefore, to Think About Stuff.

Conclusions:

1. Melody is the past. While there were, and still are, things about her that appealed to me in powerful ways, the ways in which she was absolutely wrong -- the martyrdom, the scorekeeping, the self-absorption -- fatally flawed that relationship from the start and there's no expectation to be had that she would have changed in any way.
   
2. I am really not intended to be alone. I haven't found anything so far that I wouldn't give up or change to be with the right person. Yes, that's right... my house, the cats, my location, my job, or practically anything else. However, such a person would have to be really marvelous... a nonexistent combination of the best traits of some of the best women I've ever known. I do not anticipate meeting such a person anytime soon, so I'll keep doing the catboxes and paying the mortgage.
   
3. I probably need to stop going out alone. At all. If I don't have a date, I should stay home or think of other things to do. It's way too easy to just casually hang out having a drink and watching sports, and I'd like to say I spent my 40s doing something more memorable.
   
4. I need to learn to be more social. Even though the very goal of "being more social" seems silly in and of itself.
   
5. I have always been different than other people, and trying to make myself generic as a way to gain "acceptance" is a crock of shit and I need to celebrate the ways in which I'm weird, not bury them.
   

If I sleep this little as a matter of course, I'll be able to solve many, many problems. Send yours in; I'll see what I can do.