A little longer

I'm still coughing up odd substances, and what I've found over the years is that extended illness makes me rather more curmudgeonlike than usual. In some situations, though, it makes me think about things I want to change, and I go do it. What I decided last night on my way home is that I am not going to eat crap any longer, and while I do adore those taquitos rolling on the grill at 7-Eleven and the occasional cheese fries, I'd prefer that it not kill me any sooner than my other habits, like drinking, like working on old tractors and like driving too fast for conditions.

Speaking of which, a woman I've known for over a decade -- roughly my age, and someone I've mentioned here as having remarkable calves -- was diagnosed not long ago with cancer in two different areas of her body. People our age aren't supposed to die, right? Yet here I am, knowing several people my age with serious health issues... a long time friend with cancer, an even longer-time friend who is in the late stages of degenerative MS, and a guy I know casually who just had a mild heart attack at age 40.

What the fuck?

I'm 43, and I never promised my body it would have to work any later than age 65. If it does, great, but I won't ask it to run till age 90 or anything like that. I've never been one of those people who wants to live "as long as possible." What the hell fun will it be to be 100... outlive all your friends, your spouse, everyone who ever knew you, barely able to make it from the bed to the bathroom to the television. Who wants that? I'd rather have an interesting life now and have it end at a reasonable age than stretch it out just to say I did it. Nobody cares.

But I would at least like to make it to 65. It sounds a little silly, here in an age when most people make it into their 70s. But I'm not going overboard on my expectations. I want the rest of my life to be good, not just long for its own sake.

None of this, of course, is what I meant to talk about when I started writing a few minutes ago. That's sorta how this stuff works out sometimes.

I am going to go have dinner, then go home and bolt my iBook back together to send it in to Apple to either fix or laugh at. It doesn't have to live forever, either, but I'd like it to last a little longer.