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December 03, 2005 - 1:16 a.m.

I think I have a date for New Year's Eve.

I think.

It all depends on my ability to trust someone fully again, and a lot of that trust returned tonight.

Miranda and I met up, had a nice dinner, talked until the late evening, and almost out of nowhere, she asked if I would accompany her to an event on New Year's Eve. It wasn't nearly as out-of-context as I'm making it sound... from almost the moment we sat down for dinner, we were very open and real in talking about what we were both doing there and then. I told her, again, that her kiss-off email a couple of weeks ago had hurt and that I wasn't sure why, and she said that she had been thinking a lot about me and wanted to come to understand what she was thinking after we met the first time. We gradually started to understand just how complex we both are, but complementary in some ways... small ways (like both being practically addicted to dental floss) and large (like having somewhat distant perspectives on our families and where we fit in them).

And then she asked me about New Year's, and I accepted. I don't think I've felt so comfortable talking to someone in many moons. Just the two of us and stories between us.

I only wish I had known that I'd see her again a couple of days earlier... this afternoon she emailed me a picture of a truly jaw-dropping dress and heels she's wearing to her company's holiday party tonight... it was rather difficult to concentrate for the rest of the afternoon at work picturing her in it. I think the guy I work with would have understood if I sent his daughter best wishes on her bat mitzvah but only attended the service. I'd much rather be in the company of this magnificent woman with the calm insight and warm voice. I ain't out to be datin' no 13-year-olds. Not until they get to be 30, at least, and then I'll be 60.

There's something compelling about Miranda... it's sort of like having a really fine film come on television right as I'm about to go to sleep, and I stay up and watch it until the end. You never know when they'll show it again, and you want to know how it turns out. I guess that's why I felt so stung when she initially pulled back... it was that keen cut of knowing I'd always wonder what she really was, and how it might have turned out.

I told her that if her company party turned out a little stale, that if she called and said "come find me," I'd be there in 20 minutes.

I think my co-worker would understand.


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