Nerf

Can you believe that there are still people in the world who think that keeping a web.journal (ok, for the benefit of you young ones, I'll refer to this as a "blog") is somehow some sign of a personal defect or something? I ran into someone online a few weeks ago who, after I sent them the link to this site, got all "aha, I understand everything I need to know about you" after reading exactly two entries.

You know what? I think not writing about yourself -- not being able to look at yourself and tell people honestly about you, the good and the difficult stuff -- is the better sign of some personal shortcoming. Sure, not everyone needs to do it online, and I am absolutely certain that one half of the women out there in webland have a paper diary tucked away in the bottom drawer under their vibrators and old copies of Letters To Penthouse, but it's the act of writing, of self-examination, that indicates strength to me.

Melody, for her part, got all haughty when she realized I was writing (in part) about her, but as a matter of fact, as many of you know, she started keeping one of her own. Although it doesn't appear that she has kept it up, least the act of setting one out there is a good sign. My guess is, she probably is a longtime diary-keeper. I've never known a woman like her who wasn't, at least in the past.

It's the people who want to hide themselves away, from the world and in some way from themselves, that worry me a little. Self-exposition isn't narcissistic, it's necessarily for survival in America in the 21st Century.

I half-expected the "good luck in your search" email from Amanda, and sure enough, it showed up a few minutes ago. I take that back: I three-quarters expected it. I think I'd have been surprised if it hadn't arrived. I've been doing this dating stuff long enough that I could identify the situation pretty readily... she was positive about the first date, but the second date was intended as a reality check for her, and she had second thoughts. I could pretty much tell, and as a result, I'm fine with it. Having some options certain helps, though the eventuality of a second date with either of the two interesting women I met this week will have to be delayed... one is in Alaska for a week and the other is on business or personal travel until the weekend after Thanksgiving.

I take that back: there was a third woman I met. I've been trying to figure out how to write about my meeting with her, and I have to admit that she intrigues me in ways that I know are dangerous for me. Smart, attractive, honest, open, a very unconventional viewpoint on things. One of those women who, at some point during the afternoon's conversation, admitted, "I don't even know why I'm telling you this," about ten seconds before I'd have said the same thing. Reminders of those deep, dark, intense first all-night conversations with smart, intense dark-haired women in college. If you've never experienced that as I do, it can be powerfully addictive and can too easily be a path to falling too hard, too fast, and without enough Nerf material to cushion the eventual crash.

She's powerfully appealing to me, but I am absolutely set on not pursuing things too quickly. We'll call her Miranda.