How hard should this be?

My powers of network mastery have failed me. How hard should it be to find one gorgeous, tiny blonde harpsichordist in New York City?

My water is once again pristine. I went up to Lowe's and picked up some new filter cartridges for the water filter, which had turned the color of cider because of all the post-rainstorm silt it had combed out of the well water. The new filters are carbon-based, and go down to 2 micron particle size (as opposed to 5 on the original) so I can again do laundry with confidence.

Lately, I've encountered a truly astonishing array of tremendously beautiful and slightly-quirky women online, but except for one, they're all in some other metro region (see also, "tiny blonde harpsichordist"). I am more willing than ever to think about relocating for someone.

The house, oddly, is in the best shape it's been in in a while. Cats are happy.