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My small role in the Bill Knapp's bankruptcy


August 19, 2005 - 4:19 p.m.

I am presently experiencing an overwhelming desire for... pizza.

Not even a particular kind, like Pontillo's in New York. Just some stuff to stick in my face. Hmmmm... this is what "not having lunch" does to you... you lose all sense of food discrimination and will eat pretty damn near anything.

Looks like a trip over to Sorrento's or something. Good things to stuff in your face.

I ought to explain that last line: "good things to stuff in your face." The original slogan was, "Bill Knapp's -- Good Things To EAT!" and it belonged to Bill Knapp's, a chain of restaurants in Michigan and Ohio that went out of business in 2002 after about fifty years of operation.

When I was at Michigan State, my friend Bill and I had absolutely no money. This was 1980-1982 or so, in the beginning of the Reagan Depression, and really, nobody had any money. Bill and I sometimes did what we called the "Min-A-Mart Dollar Dinner," which involved each of us coughing up a dollar. That would buy us three hot dogs at the convenience store in downtown East Lansing (I'm pretty sure it's gone now, but it used to be near the corner of Ann and M.A.C. Streets), and then we'd go over to Pinball Pete's and get two sodas out of the dispenser for 25 cents each, leaving us fed and with fifty cents left over to shoot pinball.

However, in the winter of 1981, we discovered that the Sears store over at the Frandor Shopping Center was doing a promotion whereby if you filled out a Sears Charge Card application, you would get a ten dollar gift certificate for the Bill Knapp's location across the street. Ten dollars was a lot of money 25 years ago (nowadays, it won't get you shit for dinner at most places), and we of course went over and indulged.

Now, in the early days of the promotion, we found to our delight that Bill Knapp's would not only feed us, but we could also get change back on the gift certificate! Like, actual real money!

The droids at Sears couldn't care less about verifying the information on the applications... their job was to take the applications and hand out the freebies. Over the ensuing weeks, "Joe Mama," "Harry Peters," "Pat McGroyne" and "Ben Dover" graced a rising stack of Sears Card applications, and Bill and I avoided starvation that winter.

Eventually, Bill Knapp's stopped giving change back (I suspect we weren't the only poor college students who had figured this stunt out), but that was still fine with us... Bill and I would simply look at each other and say, "Bill Knapp's... Good Things To Stuff In Your FACE!"

To this day, all that one of us has to say is "Bill Knapp's..." and the other will finish the line reflexively.

I'm not sure whether I feel a little guilty or thankful or both. Sorry to see the place go out of business, really... they had really good food, and you can still get their chocolate cake, because some bakery in Michigan purchased the recipe and the rights to use the name.

Pizza is still calling me.


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