Selling the miles on eBay

You know, the last time I was this fascinated by someone on Match, it turned out to be a Yale professor who was less-than-truthful about her marital status... it didn't turn out particularly well. That particular incident taught be to be wary of people who are... well... wary! If someone is going out of their way to be private, to hide themselves away behind anonymous email addresses and doles out little bits of themselves a drop at a time, I don't think "gee, they're just being careful," I think, "gee, what a frickin' paranoid." And I now act accordingly.

I figure if you wanna be that concerned about what someone "knows about you," this isn't the planet to live on. A friend of mine and I were talking about that the other day... she said something to the effect that "you shouldn't say this or that, you're well-known on the web, after all."

I thought about it a while, and said to her, "well, the main thing is, the only reason to hold back on what I say or do, even on the net, is out of guilt or shame or fear. I have no guilt, I fear nothing, and shame is reserved for those people who give a shit about the opinions of strangers, which I do not."

She agreed I was probably on the right track. On the net, the moment you start worrying about what "they" think -- that great, unnamed, unknown "them" -- you're done. You might as well go bury your computer in the yard and unplug your phone. "They" have already won, because "they" got you to censor yourself without even asking you to. Me, I generally don't give a shit what people think even in real life -- my friends know this -- and it's a remarkably freeing sort of thing. I don't generally abuse it (I don't just fry people for no damn reason) but at the same time, I don't have to waste time wondering what my cow-orkers, my current girlfriend, my neighbors, or distant family members might think about anything I say or do online -- or in person. They'll think whatever they want anyway, and I can't stop it, so I might as well not worry about it.

I told my friend that yes, just about everyone I know knows I meet people online. Most of them know I write online. Some of them listen to my podcast. Many have read my magazine articles or seen my websites about a variety of topics. If they expected me to change what I do, say or think based on their approval or disapproval, they generally know how far that would take them. Not far.

I do feel sorry for people who live their lives worried about the approval or censure of people who purport to care about them. What the hell do those people do, say and think when no one's there to tell them what not to do?

Hide behind anonymous email addresses and act worried, I guess.

So, about Martha... she intrigues and attracts me more than anyone since Melody, and for many of the same reasons: music, a terrific mind, cute calves, classic dark hair and good looks, and a love of cats. Thanks to the time difference, I often get email from her after midnight (when I'm usually still up) and don't have to worry she'll try calling me at 8:00am (when I am not).

The only damn problem is those two thousand, seven hundred eighty-two miles. I should collect the things up and sell them on eBay until I only have about a dozen left.