Deaf

Yes, I've been gone.

My hearing never came back. Neither did Melody. I have a broken eardrum that's healing, and I have a broken heart that's healing.

So, here it is, May, and I am spending a lot of time thinking of the good things about her.

I loved the way she felt against me.

I loved the way she'd look at herself in the mirror when she got dressed.

I loved how she could turn on a sort of beacon when she was in the right group of people and just be dazzling.

I loved how she looked when she carried cats around.

I loved it when she was goofy, or cuddly, or sexy.

I loved learning things about her and with her.

She once said I'd said lots of horrible lies about her. If those were lies, then I guess the things above are lies, too.

I know they're not.

I'm just trying to remember the very best things and carry those forward... try to find them in someone else. Someone who lacks the difficult things.

I have no idea how to start, and it's been far too easy to just want to be with her rather than do the hard work of finding someone I love just as much who hasn't got the difficult parts I could never work past.

The single most important part of being with someone is, they have to want to be with you.