Everybody's safe

I am actually sort of surprised, the degree to which I'm back to not really thinking much about anyone but Melody. She and I have spent a fair amount of time together lately, in effect re-learning about each other. It's remarkably low-pressure and nice. B has faded into memory, another woman I dated briefly somewhere in there has largely done the same. I figure that if I have a limited amount of energy, I want to spend doing something I actually want to do, rather than spending it with a bunch of somebody-elses just because I feel like I have to do it that way.

I've been quite sick lately... today I came into work, started coughing, and immediately yacked in the men's room. I went over to Kaiser and had them check me out... yet more drugs to buy. I'm just sort of sick of feeling like my ribs have been pried apart with a tire iron, mostly because my diaphragm is stronger than my chest muscles and thus can pretty much do whatever the hell it wants with my rib cage, including, apparently, blow it apart.

Everything else is going along reasonably well. I should be getting an insane amount of money back in a tax refund, though I have to admit that extra five hundred bucks a month would have been more useful spread out through last year. A lump now is useful... I'll pay down my home-equity line, pay off some cards, things like that, but I could have done that anyway. And I missed out on a whole year's worth of interest at the fabulous 0.25% interest rate the credit union paid.

I just realized I should clarify something above: this doesn't mean I still don't notice women... they're out there, spring has arrived, and I enjoy the view a great deal. More than most people, I think. But I just don't feel like touching those people. Instead, I see someone, say, as I did the other night when I was out watching basketball... the girlfriend of a guy I know. Mostly pink and gray... pink and gray sweater set, light gray skirt, pink stockings and pink shoes. She looked great. And my first impulse was, "I wonder how Melody would look in that?"

Oh, well. Everybody else's girlfriends, mothers, sisters, whatevers, are now safe around me again.