I have learned something again

Well, spending an afternoon with Melody succeeded where spending weeks away from her had previously failed.

We had long-ago wanted to go out driving in the mountains to see the colors. We finally, after some trepidation and false starts, did it on Sunday. It was a nice day, a pleasant day, and we both enjoyed being out there -- we drove out to Berkeley Springs, and out into western Maryland -- but ultimately it showed me something.

Whatever feelings I had, aren't there any more. I just... didn't feel it. Last summer, when I went up to Penny's to drop something off to her, I went through that same realization: we were just two adults, talking. None of that old attraction, none of the old tension, and yet not all of the old interpersonal ease. We were just two people who used to be in love.

It's gone. Whatever was there, is gone. While I'm not going to say it could never come back, I am not really optimistic. I can find it with someone else, and so can Melody. She'll move on, find some pleasant-but-a-little boring guy, I'll be happy for her in a distant sort of way, and we'll eventually lose touch with each other, each slipping back into that big ocean labeled Anonymous, which is where we both came from seven months ago.

It's just disappointing to see everything snuffed out.