Donna was right, again...

Donna was right. Things DO happen around me. Lately, some great and some very dark things.

Melody and I have cemented our relationship in every possible way. The formal ball we went to last Saturday might have been one of the most beautiful nights of my life... everyone was elegant and the music good and the atmosphere sublime. It was one of those nights were one can say anything, do anything, feel anything, and it fits and enhances your life for a long time to come. We were gorgeous, we were matched, we were tuned into each other perfectly. A wonderful dinner, dancing to Viennese waltzes, a ride on the carousel at Glen Echo in formal attire...

We spent Sunday being horribly domestic. Went to CompUSA and got some wireless network gear so that my iBook can be at home in her house, went grocery shopping, and took her to Lord & Taylor, where she looked at shoes and found some elegant little pumps that she liked. We went home and lay around the house for a while, then I went home myself.

Monday was quite different. I had previously -- long ago -- agreed to meet someone who was coming to DC from Indianapolis, a tall, beautiful woman we'll call Marie. She and I had had lots of good talks and email during the time I was unsure whether Melody would ever take an interest in me, and Melody insisted that it was fairest to carry through on that agreement to meet. We actually met for lunch on Saturday, when I picked Marie up from BWI, and I was unsure whether there was really interest there.

Monday evening erased all doubts. We were meeting to go to dinner at a nice place near the White House, and thence to the Kennedy Center for an evening of one-act plays by Tennessee Williams, staged for the first time. I got to Marie's brother's house in Mt. Pleasant, and Marie was devastatingly gorgeous -- a cream and black flowing dress that showed her off very, very well. We called for a cab, had part of a glass of white wine... and within five minutes we were all over each other.

I have never felt a connection so sudden, so strong. It almost threw me to the floor. She felt wonderful... being close to her made me feel more alive, more wanted than I had ever felt. Ever. And then the cab arrived and we were off on our adventure.

Dinner was very, very low-key... looking out over the Washington Monument shrouded in mist, watching planes land at National, talking about things. Abstract things. Personal things. Difficult and happy and amusing and dark things.

We caught a cab to the Kennedy Center and had seats three rows back in the orchestra. At intermission, we walked out onto the River Terrace and looked out over the Potomac and held each other and kissed and talked. After the evening ended, we walked over to the Watergate and caught a cab back to Mt. Pleasant.

We spent a long, long time talking and touching. I have never felt so vulnerable or felt someone else expose their own vulnerability. It was amazing. She was amazing.

Why did I have to meet her NOW?

We did not have sex. We had foresworn it, though it was burningly intense to talk about the possibility and speculate about the outcome. When it was time to go, we parted. The electricity almost crackled in the mist.

I thought briefly of going home, but Melody had sent me a short message saying, "call me and tell me how things went, even if it's late." It was late. But I knew where I wanted to be, and within fifteen minutes I was in Melody's driveway. I dialed her number and she answered, sleepy.

"You wanted to know how things went... well, you could make this easier for me to tell you."

"How?"

I reached out and pushed her doorbell.

She answered the door, and said, "I knew it. I knew you'd be here. I knew you'd come home to me."

That's exactly what she said... I knew you'd come home to me.

She probably knew it before I did.

We talked about what had happened, what I'd felt with Marie. Yet I knew I had to be with her, Melody. She was the one I wanted to be with. She was the one. There was no doubt in my mind at all.

It's odd. I know it. My whole life has been odd, OK?

Tuesday was another scene completely. I had agreed to take Marie back to BWI to catch her flight... I would pick her up, we'd go and meet some friends, get something to eat, then get to the airport. I got to her brother's house a little late, and had barely even gotten in the vestibule of the house before we pounced on each other. The previous evening had not been a fluke or a dream... the intensity was there, the connection was there, the words, the feelings. It was like getting hit with a crystal ball between the eyes.

But there was no time. We packed up her things, got in the Saab and went north, dealing with slow traffic and getting to the bar rather later than I'd wanted. One of my best friends was there, worried about us being late. We ordered something to eat, talked a while, and then realized how late things had become and had to disappear off to BWI.

Everything came apart in the following eleven minutes.

As we neared the airport, Marie went silent. She made a comment about how late we were running, so I sped up. I asked her, "do we want to go in the garage or go to the dropoff?" I was concerned that she might be late, and wanted to make things as efficient as possible.

She snapped.

She swore at me and yelled and raved and as we pulled up to the curb, she yelled, "just let me get the hell out of this car!" Grabbed her suitcase and stood at the curb, fuming at me. She went on and on, and I had no idea what I'd done, but felt surely I must have done something for this beautiful woman to suddenly just slice me open with her words. She was crying, and I was crying, and I finally realized that she was upset we wouldn't have time for what she thought would be a proper goodbye.

It was more important than I'd thought.

She made her flight. I was a disaster. I barely got out of BWI than I had to pull over on the shoulder of I-195 because I was crying too hard to see. I messaged friends, telling them I was hurting and didn't know what I'd done to get Marie so upset and angry. To a one, they all said, "she didn't know how to handle her disappointment and hurt. She knows you're going to stay with Melody, and she saw that she wanted to be with you and can't."

They were right.

I eventually put myself back together and got back to the bar and talked with my friend for a long time about the weekend and what had happened. I left, very thoughtful and sad.

When I got home, I called Marie -- she had indeed made it to her flight, though her luggage went astray -- and we talked for a couple of hours.

She had felt a lot more than she had expected to feel. She felt things a lot more strongly than she ever expected. And the hurt she felt over feeling that I wanted to sweep her away, make her disappear, make her vanish, overflowed into hurt directed at me.

We may never see each other again. If we ever do, it will be because we are both free and able to commit everything to each other. We've seen the lightning, and it lit us up for a long time.

I am trying to figure out how to carry the good parts of that feeling into my life with Melody.

But I will never forget it. Marie has changed my life. I am not even sure how. But she has.

Melody and I told each other we loved each other for the first time.